I’ve been hating myself lately…
All of this is irrational but I can’t help but revel in these negative thoughts. I’m not enough. I never was. I just can’t get it right. Nothing is ever right. I’m stuck. I’m lost. I don’t know what I want. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m stupid. I’m nothing.
Goddamnit I hate myself.
Do you ever think about what is to come? Where the fuck will you be? Will you even be here? What if you die before then? Will you make it that far? You don’t fuckin know. Ya know, I have high hopes for myself. So many dreams and hopes. So many. Too many to fuckin count. What if you knew, what if you knew how the fuck I really am? Would you judge me, would you give a fuck? You don’t fuckin know. I don’t fuckin know. Who the fuck knows? Shut the fuck up bitch, because you don’t fuckin know.
I hate this feeling. Feeling helpless, feeling stuck. It keeps building until I explode. And when I explode, I explode with a vengeance. Hateful words spew from my mouth. Hot tears roll down my cheeks. The back of my hand bruises from the rage I unleash. And then everything becomes silent…