I’ve been hating myself lately…
All of this is irrational but I can’t help but revel in these negative thoughts. I’m not enough. I never was. I just can’t get it right. Nothing is ever right. I’m stuck. I’m lost. I don’t know what I want. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m stupid. I’m nothing.
Goddamnit I hate myself.
Here’s to a life full of AMAZING adventures, lots of travel, different countries, meeting new people, falling in love with whoever, exploring new places, being free, independence, knowledge, wealth, great food, and wild sex. Here’s to a life filled with nothing but LOVE!
A rumbling in the distance. A blaring horn. Vibrations throughout the body. Stillness in the dark. Ancient instruments. Running water. Quiet thoughts. Deep breaths. Doors slamming. Heavy footsteps. Clanking ice. Squeaky bed. Murmured voices. Flickering light. Roaring engine. Shadows. Dozing eyes. Soft skin. Sore limbs. Pink background. 11:31. Incoming Call. Excited shrieks. Overwhelming gratitude. Teary eyed. Late. Night.
I always envision myself sitting on the top of a soft lush green hill surrounded by hilly mountain tops taking in the vibrant colors of the sky as the sun sets. This is my calm, this is my peace, this is my joy. This is where I am nothing at all. I just exist. Nothing more, nothing less. I Am.
Time is always ticking, never ending clicking. Countdown…4,3,2,1…start and never stop…on and on to the very top, breathe in breathe out, give it all you got, never a moments rest, this is your test, you gotta be the very best but remember not to stress, because que será será and you’ll always go very far.
And in the end?
…all you have is the memories…
And when you become idle for too long…you slowly destroy yourself, and you enjoy every second of it.