My mind is always racing. My thoughts won’t let me relax. I want to scream. I want to run away. I want someone to confide in. I am impatient. I want to burst. I can not sleep. Does any of this matter? I do not know who I am. I do not care but I have to care. I have to get through this. Why can’t I just take all my pills? I want to feel ok. Is this normal? I’m overthinking. I hate this. I hate it so much. This can’t be real. Why me? Why am I here? What do you want? Just leave me alone. I’m really trying. I really am.
It’s June 21, 2017 – 3:08 AM. I’m just here…doing nothing but contemplating. I just want the sun to come up. Do you feel that way sometimes? Like you yearn for tomorrow or for a time where you believe you have it all together just the way you like? Maybe I’m impatient, maybe I’m too anxious or maybe I’m just bored?
I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m impatiently waiting. I’m anxious for a time that has not yet arrived. I want to keep moving, but that’s just not how it works. No need to rush. I have to keep sane.