My mind is always racing. My thoughts won’t let me relax. I want to scream. I want to run away. I want someone to confide in. I am impatient. I want to burst. I can not sleep. Does any of this matter? I do not know who I am. I do not care but I have to care. I have to get through this. Why can’t I just take all my pills? I want to feel ok. Is this normal? I’m overthinking. I hate this. I hate it so much. This can’t be real. Why me? Why am I here? What do you want? Just leave me alone. I’m really trying. I really am.
And in the end?
…all you have is the memories…
You don’t know me. You don’t know who I am. But I know who you are…
And when you become idle for too long…you slowly destroy yourself, and you enjoy every second of it.
And what if I don’t make it to see my 22nd birthday? What if? Life comes and goes. Let me live a glorious life, because death? – It’s forever.
All you can do is wait.
It’s June 21, 2017 – 3:08 AM. I’m just here…doing nothing but contemplating. I just want the sun to come up. Do you feel that way sometimes? Like you yearn for tomorrow or for a time where you believe you have it all together just the way you like? Maybe I’m impatient, maybe I’m too anxious or maybe I’m just bored?