Times Like This

There are times like this you wanna do any and everything

Times like this you feel so powerful

There are times like this you feel so alive

Times like this no one can tell you shit

There are times like this you got the world in one hand

Times like this you know you can save the world

There are times like this you cry from the joy you feel

Times like this everything is ok

There are times like this when you know yourself

Times like this

Confronting Myself

Now that I think back on my high school years, especially my junior year, I realized I was dealing with some heavy stuff. I was barely getting my work done, the majority of the time I was anxious for no apparent reason, and I was extremely insecure. It was as if I was in a trance-like state. Physically, I was present. Mentally, I wasn’t. My mom chalked it up to be a problem with my thyroid or perhaps a vitamin deficiency. She took me to the doctor, I got my blood drawn, a couple of weeks later I received my results…nothing. My thyroid was in perfect condition and I was getting enough vitamins. It didn’t make sense. WTF was wrong with me?!

Now fast forward almost 4 years later, and everything makes sense. Most likely I was dealing with anxiety and depression. And that’s a scary thought, because I know I’m still dealing with those emotions, but just to a lesser extent. Now I recognize the signs. I can sense those moments when I’m slowly approaching a breakdown. It’s hard but I always manage to get through it, one way or another.

BRI.V.M.

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Thoughts of a 20-year Old

AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?

WHERE WILL I BE?

and the most important question of all:

WHAT. THE. FUCK. AM. I. DOING?

These questions consume my mind weekly. At times I feel inadequate. Because at times it seems as if I’m just not “there” yet – whatever “there” means. Perhaps this is due to the fact that there is pressure to achieve and do things by a certain age. It’s this condescending statement that always gets under my skin, “Well you’re [insert age] years old now” so basically you need to have your shit together. Well guess fucking what?! I don’t, not like you want me to have my shit together. I’m still learning and figuring shit out. There’s so much pressure to get “there” but I’ve realized that “there” is only a concept. There’s no such thing. Everyone moves at their own pace, lives their own lives, and does what the hell they want to do. It comes a time where you have to realize you are the one that is living your life, no one else. Take those outside opinions with a grain of salt and make sure you’re in tune with the star player in your life – yourself.

BRI.V.M.